I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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