I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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