How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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