Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
