1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
