Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
