his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
