I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
