when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
