I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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