drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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