I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
