fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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