I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
