Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
