I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hippo gnu deer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
