I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
operation have a gay friend backfired
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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