you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
