I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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