So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
