HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
