whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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