life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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