community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
