So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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