she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
