I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
