Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do vagina's smell?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
