If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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