38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
