Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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