Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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