did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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