I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
