so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
zippers are such a cool invention
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
