WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
