wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
