I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How's work?
Spinning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
