took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
