I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
