Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
