Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
