...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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