I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
