my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
