if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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