Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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