shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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