So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
