Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Even my vagina gasped.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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