just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
