did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
