sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
