Walk of Shame. In a state park.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
