Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
