She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's always time for handjobs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
