i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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